I used to have such fear. And fear made me worry. Sometimes
I worried about things to the point that I felt ill. Mostly, I worried about
the safety of my three young sons. I wasn’t a ‘helicopter parent’ –- well,
maybe I was with my firstborn, but the term hadn't been invented yet 26
years ago.
I was very watchful, and as my boys will be sure to tell you, I was
overprotective. But truthfully, you have to let some of that go when you have a
household full of boys. Those of you who know boys understand that boys are very
physical and always active. Of course there was danger in their roughhousing, but
if I worried about every little thing they were doing – or might do -- I would drive
myself crazy.
Mainly I worried that something really bad would happen to
them. I feared for their safety. I felt that if anything ever happened to them,
I couldn’t live without them; that I wouldn’t want to live without them. They were
part of me, my own flesh and blood, and I loved them more than I ever knew I
could.
I remember walking along under clear Texas skies talking
with God. We talked a lot during those long, solitary walks. I told Him of my
deep fear of loss, and He listened. I thanked Him every day for my sweet little
boys, and prayed for patience so I that I could be a better mother. Oh, yes, I prayed for more patience every single day.
As I grew in my faith, I finally realized that my
beautiful sons were really God’s; that I had been given the honor and privilege
of raising them and loving them, but ultimately, they were God’s children.
I held so tightly to my responsibility of raising my sweet
boys. I loved my sons so much, and letting them go into the world
without my protection filled my heart with fear and dread.
One day, God spoke to me through my thoughts, and He told me
that I had to let go. I had to trust my boys to His care. I took a few
days to think about relinquishing this control that I thought I had over their
lives and their safety.
Knowing God was in control gave me a feeling of peace and
freed my worried mind. I was able to live without fear for my boys’ safety. Not
that I never worried again, but I learned to focus on God's provision, and I began
to learn about trust. It took practice, and believing that no matter
what happened, my sons were in God’s hands.
Since the day I gained my freedom from fear by learning to
trust in God, He has continued His work in me, especially in the area of trust.
Now I am the one going out into the world, away from my home and family, and I
know that God will always be with me.
I think the world is an even scarier place now than it was when
my boys were small. It was during their middle and high schools years that the Columbine tragedy happened, and then so many other school shootings
followed.
Every day when my boys left for school, I wondered if they
would come home to me. But I couldn’t live in fear. That was what the enemy
wanted. I knew that to live in fear would crush my creativity and my zest for life, so I gave it all to God. I prayed for their safety, and released my fears
to His great love.
Our fourth son is now a teenager, learning to drive and
beginning to be out in the world away from us more and more. I lean on my
understanding of God’s presence in my life, and His great love for all of us,
when I need to let go.
Recent events at the Sandy Hook Elementary School have
shaken me to the core. I still struggle with the senseless violence that
destroyed that community’s peace and tore apart families when so many precious
lives were lost. I’ve struggled with this along with the rest of the nation,
and indeed the world, but I can’t let this fear control my life.
There is no doubt that there is evil in this world. And some
people focus on these and other tragic events to point out that there is no
hope for humankind. They’ve bought into the fear and they perpetuate it.
I am the eternal optimist, and I believe there is much more
good in the world than evil. I see this in my life everyday, and in my
community, as people reach out to help one another. This goodness comes from
God, and if we look, we will find it in the world and in the people around us.
I’ve learned to let go of my fears, to trust in God with all
that I can’t carry alone. My sons would argue that I still worry too much, but
I know the truth. I know how much of my fears are released to my God who I know is always near.
I don’t know why these tragedies occur, but I do know the
evil one would relish us living in fear of what will happen next. We cannot
succumb to the fear in this world. The only way to live in peace in our own
spirit is to connect with a higher power of goodness and Light. My Savior not
only freed me from sin. He frees me every day to make the choice to live in
peace and harmony.
The world can be a tragic place. Lives are cut short and
danger abounds. But the world is also a beautiful place, full of love and
people who understand the preciousness of life. We need to make the choice to
rise above fear and live fearlessly through trusting God.
Each of us must make our own way, but we shouldn’t try to do
it alone. Rest in His peace, so that we may be free to live in the joy we were
meant to have here on this earth.
