When You're Hurting and You Feel Alone

There are times when we feel lost and so alone. Moments when we wish we could reach out to a friend, but we can't find the courage to bare our soul. We feel that we are our only companion. Though we wish we could share our hurting heart with someone, we feel we have no one to tell our story to. 

At times like these, we have to stop the self-perpetuating thoughts that drag us down into the depths of self-pity and anguish. Distraction may help us to shift our thoughts. Redirecting the mind is a really good tool when feelings of loneliness or grief overwhelm us. 

Think of something that really absorbs your thoughts, a project that requires you to focus your mind and your energies onto specific details. Here are a few suggestions for when you're feeling consumed by your sadness and you feel all alone:

• Do something kind for yourself! Take a nice, hot bath or shower. Go for a walk in nature. Taking time to nurture your body is an amazing way to soothe your soul. 

• Eat. Good food does so much more for our mood than shoving sweets or salty chips into our system, even though that may be what we crave. The task of preparing healthy food is mind-consuming and the smell of sauteing, sizzling food awakens an appetite you thought was gone.
• Do something kind for someone who is hurting even more than you are. Shifting our focus away from our troubles and to the aid of another is the best way to get outside of our own thoughts.
• Sing. I know that sounds crazy, because singing is the last thing your heart wants to do. But somehow, even singing through your tears elevates your heart to a new level of understanding in your grief. Try it sometime. You might feel ridiculous at first, and certainly it won't be your best, but you're not performing. You're singing to your soul, giving it the gift of life. 

Most importantly, remember that we are never really alone. Our lifetime companion, the One who made us, is always with us. The God who loves us unconditionally and forever is the God of Love. Reach out your heart to Him, give Him your tears and your loneliness, and you will know that you are not alone. 

God is always with us, and wants to be near to our hearts. I can't describe how it works, but I know that when I reach out to God in my pain, I feel peace wash over me and I am comforted. 

Haven't talked to God in awhile? Now is a really good time to start. Just call upon His name, and tell Him your pain. You will know He is there to hear your hurt and calm you. And you won't have to bear your pain alone. 

Reach out, my friends. There may be sorrow in the night, but there is joy in the morning. Every day is new. A chance to begin again. Life is awakening all around us, and we can awaken to a new relationship with God and with ourselves. I promise it will be worth the effort it takes to get out of bed, and leave the darkness behind you. 

If you would like, you can leave a comment below so that I may pray for you. You may post anonymously, if you wish. God knows who you are. And I would be honored to pray on your behalf.

Casting Crowns has a song for these feelings of loneliness and sadness.When you're trying to hold on but feel like you can't hold on another minute. I've found it to be a great comfort and reminder that we are never truly alone, that God is always with us. He just a thought or prayer away. And He loves us. Unconditionally.

This song resonates in my heart, and I grab onto these promises and hold on for dear life in times when I can't see the forest for the trees. Mark Hall & Casting Crowns... Just Be Held

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All is Merry and Bright - or Maybe Not So Much?

Christmas memories can be the best or the worst, and the emotions tied to them are certain to be amplified this time of year.

If the holidays bring unhappy memories, how do we cope with the flood of feelings that are dammed up behind our happy facade? We may feel we need to put on a happy face for those around us, when deep inside our sorrow shows.

There seems to be an expectation for everyone to be jolly this time of year. Just listening to the holiday music, nine out of ten songs is upbeat and happy. Some are over the top, almost manic, like “We Need a Little Christmas” which races around decorating “before my spirit falls again”.  What we need “right this very minute” is a little peace amidst the chaos.

The reality may feel more like Judy Garland’s version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (from Meet Me in St. Louis). Singing to her little sis, lamenting a move that would take them far from loved ones, the feeling is melancholy as she looks to the future for happier times. By the way, the more familiar version of the song, made popular by Frank Sinatra, is more upbeat with a change in the lyrics. After all, his album was to be called “A Jolly Christmas”!

There does seem to be a holiday song for every emotion. Perhaps you are dreaming of a “White Christmas” as I was after a move to California. Many secular Christmas songs deal with love at Christmastime, and if you are not in a relationship, these can be hard to bear.

The sacred Christmas songs speak of promise and peace. Once again, I turn to my faith for the solace I seek. This promise of a Christ child, the Prince of Peace. The sweet song “Away in the Manger” over three verses tells the Christmas story beautifully, with a prayer for God to be near us always.

When we are overwhelmed with feelings of sadness or inadequacy during the preparations for this season, God is the one we need to turn to. When our hearts are heavy, He is the only one who can provide His perfect peace. There are no simple answers to deal with holiday grief. Perhaps, like Judy, we feel we need to believe in happier tomorrows. Instead of thinking “until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow” maybe we should think like Frank and “hang a shining star upon the highest bough.”

“And have yourself a merry little Christmas, now.”  Now. Not just looking to the future for better times. Let’s try to look to the present for a small joy. Today.

Make it point to find something to be joyful about, something to be thankful for. There are those little moments in the day, when the sun hits the snow and it sparkles like diamonds, or when a child shows you unconditional love; or the moment when a stranger shares a smile with you, that you can believe in peace on earth.

Our sorrows will diminish with time, but we need to live fully in the present. It may feel like the holidays are just something we have to get through. But if we search out reasons to be thankful, there may be little joys hidden amongst the trappings of the season.

Go for a walk and breathe in the cold, crisp air. Look for signs of wildlife foraging in the frozen world. If you are in a warmer clime, appreciate the subtle changes in the world around you. Find your center. Pray for God’s peace.

There is joy to be found amidst our sorrows; hope even though we think all is hopeless. Turn to the One who can show you the way out of your doldrums.  Ask for His help and tell Him of your need. He will open your eyes to the beauty that is around you. He will point you on the pathway to finding peace.